No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
