she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
