What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
