he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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