No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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