update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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