I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
