everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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