Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
