i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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