The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
