do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
