She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
