Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
