just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
