So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
