is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
