i don't like sucking hair
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
