This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
