I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
