My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
