Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
