She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
