Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
