My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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