Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
