all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
