It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
