Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
