Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
