...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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