Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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