Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
