Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
