remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
