It's just like the Real World with babies
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Mom said you looked used
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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