I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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