You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
