I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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