just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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