If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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