pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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