so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
