Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
