you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
