i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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