She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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