i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
