You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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