you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the day after is always just damage control
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
