bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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