your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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