I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
