my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
