can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
