not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
